


Weakness

by DuaeCat



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 05:45:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8433997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuaeCat/pseuds/DuaeCat
Summary: Ezra learns true strength comes from learning when to ask for help. Set before S3





	

Kanan didn’t really think anything about it the first time it happened. They were all exhausted, but the information they’d gained was important and it should be worth it. He finished scanning the data pad, looking for any obvious errors, then passed it to Ezra to put away. The datapad slipped, clattering to the table loud enough to make everyone jump.  
  
“Sorry, guess I didn’t have a good enough grip.” Ezra flexed his fingers slowly, then scooped up the datapad, putting it away properly.  
  
“I think that’s probably a sign we should all get some sleep.” Hera suggested, and Kanan nodded in agreement. Ezra usually wasn’t clumsy, but he was still learning to pace himself. He had a tendency to throw himself fully into everything and when he ran out of energy to keep going out of pure stubbornness.  
  
That was the main reason Kanan barely took note when Ezra stumbled a few steps in, reaching out and catching himself against the wall quick enough to keep from falling. He corrected himself fast enough, and Kanan was preoccupied with heading towards his own bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

  
“Have you seen Ezra?” Hera asked as she passed by Kanan in the cargo bay.

“No, not recently. Did you need him for something?” Kanan doubted it was anything too important. They generally tried to have a day or two of downtime after a long job. It didn’t always work out that way, but everyone tended to function a little sharper when they had time to recover.

“I was putting together a supply list and wanted to ask if there was anything he wanted to add.” Hera held up the datapad.

“As long as there’s enough food on it he’ll be happy.” Kanan shrugged. “He’s probably just staying out of the way so no one finds any chores for him.” He was still doing some things, but generally small things that didn’t need too much thought to them for his downtime. It had been long enough that he felt odd without anything to do at all. Things like sweeping the cargo hold let him relax and let his mind wander.

“Maybe, I still feel better asking him. Could you check and see if he’s still on the ship before I go looking?” Hera asked.

“Sure. I can do that.” It only took Kanan a moment to close his eyes, reaching out mentally. “He’s still here.” They didn’t have the strong training bond that would have allowed him to sense more than just his presence without a great deal of effort on his part, but he was familiar enough with Ezra’s force signature that it shown bright and close. “Feels like he’s just found a place to hole up for a while. Are you sure you need him now? He always comes out when he’s ready.”

“Chopper says he hasn’t gotten food from the galley since breakfast.” Hera said.

“Ok, that… is a little unusual. Worth checking up on, but he might have just fallen asleep and slept through lunch.” Kanan said hesitantly.

Hera nodded. “If that’s the case then there’s an easy way to find out. I’ve been meaning to show you the latest upgrades anyway.”

“What have you done now?” Kanan eyed her suspiciously. “I know that look.”

“I’ll show you.” Hera waved a hand, leading the way up to the cockpit and the view screens, starting to adjust the settings. “Since he came on board it made me aware of a few blind spots in our internal monitors.”

“You never expected someone on the ship to use the air ducts as a shortcut, you mean.” Kanan watched as the usual screens winked out, replaced by new mostly dimly lit views.

“You didn’t either.” Hera pointed out, bringing up a new set of mostly dimly lit screens. “I didn’t put sensors everywhere, for obvious reasons, but there’s fewer blind spots than there were before.”

“And we should both keep quiet about this if we want it to stay effective. Why are you telling me this now?” Kanan asked.

“If there’s a situation where we might need to use the sensors I don’t want to waste time explaining them to you, and I trust you to use your best judgment. There.” Hera paused on a screen.

Ezra was dimly visible, tucked inside one of the air vents looking like he was focused on something.

“Looks like the air vent off the main cargo hold. Want me to go get him? I can act like I had no idea he was there.” Kanan asked, not paying much attention to the video once he had identified his padawan’s hiding spot.

“Yes. No, wait a moment, does that look right to you? What’s he doing?” Hera leaned in, trying to make out the dimly lit video images.

Kanan leaned in, recognizing the wrapper a little more quickly. “Looks like he’s trying to get a ration bar open. Must have remembered he missed lunch.”

“Are they always that hard to open?” Hera said, sounding concerned.

“Sometimes they can be difficult.” Kanan watched. Even in the low quality video he could see Ezra struggling. He would get the ration bar up and try for a good grip only to either lose his grip on the top or the bottom and the bar slip. It fell and he grabbed for it awkwardly, bringing it up and trying to tear the wrapper with his teeth. “Not that difficult though.”

“Could he have gotten hurt during the job? I didn’t see anything, but… He was dropping things before” Hera frowned.

“He knows he’s supposed to tell someone if he’s injured.” Kanan frowned, then signed “He was having trouble holding onto the data pad last night. I thought he was just tired, but he could have strained something in his arms or hands that would have stiffened up and gotten sore over night.”

“And he might not think it was important enough to tell us if it was just some soreness.” Hera nodded slightly to herself. “Go see if you can get him to come out without letting him know we were watching. Whatever it is we’ll take care of it.”

 

* * *

 

“Ezra?” Kanan made sure his voice would carry before he stepped into the cargo hold, giving Ezra plenty of time to emerge from his hiding spot. It was a delicate balance they walked with the crew, between letting everyone have their independence and watching out for them for everyone’s good. They trusted Sabine to take care of her own explosives projects, but he knew Hera found an excuse to visit Sabine’s room every so often to make sure everything was being properly stored and didn’t present a danger. There were times he’d had to step in and remind Hera that she was at a risk of overdoing it on stimulants, even if it was a hard line to draw when a moment of inattention could mean their lives. He knew she did the same for him, she was just usually a little more subtle than he could manage even on a good day.

He tried not to look relieved that Ezra was already out of the vent with the cover back in place, looking like he’d been in the cargo hold the whole time.

“There you are. Hera was looking for you. Something about helping her with the shopping list?” Kanan said, casually enough.

Ezra startled, then grinned a little sheepishly. “Right, forgot all about that.”

“You’re not too late, she should be in the cockpit now. You know, if you’re bored you could come with me when I go to actually get the stuff.” Kanan didn’t usually offer. It was faster and easier to take care of things himself, maybe with Zeb’s company if there was heavy lifting to do.

“I… dunno. Maybe. Ask me before you go?” Ezra looked like he wanted to say yes.

“I will. Come on.” Kanan put a hand on his shoulder, nudging him towards the ladder up to the upper parts of the ship and the cockpit, mostly to see what he’d do. If he had injured his hands the ladder would be out.

There was a moment of hesitation, almost a tremble as Ezra grasped the first rung, but nothing happened and he scampered up the same way he always did, leaving Kanan standing down at the bottom of the ladder confused, before he remembered to follow behind him. He’d seen the way Ezra was struggling before, or thought he had. Maybe it was just the cramped shaft and a particularly hard to open the ration bar.

He resolved to just try and keep an eye on him if he could.

 

* * *

 

Kanan squinted at the sign as if it would suddenly change to give him the information he wanted. The market was a crowded jumble of colorful tents, stalls, and permanent buildings that seemed to be barely organized chaos. It was organized, the problem was it wasn’t all that helpful. They were low on both tea and caf, and both were a fairly high priority. They’d already followed the signs to the food and drink area that had turned out to be entirely food ready to eat right then and there, and then food for storage which seemed far more promising and did cross off about half their list, but not the tea or caf.

“It looks like plants are to the left and medical supplies to the right, which do you think we should try?” Kanan spoke up, he wasn’t getting a strong feeling one way or the other, but maybe Ezra had a better idea. He’d decided to come after all, and seemed to be enjoying himself. Kanan couldn’t tell if he seemed a little subdued and quiet because something was wrong, or because he was trying to be on his best behavior.

“I’m not sure, what are the other options?” Ezra glanced briefly up at the sign then right back to Kanan with no sign of understanding it.

“You can’t read it?” Kanan asked curiously.

“I can read the letters fine, the words make no sense.” Ezra shrugged.

“It’s Bocce, I’m guessing that wasn’t spoken a lot on Lothal? We’ll want to work on that, it comes in handy. For now though we have Livestock, Mechanical…” Kanan went over each listed section in order.

“Luxury goods, what about that one?” Ezra spoke up after just a minute.

“Worth a shot, and it’s closer than the other two.” Kanan started off, trusting Ezra to follow him.

It was a good guess, luxury goods was where teas, spices, and most importantly caf were available for sale and Kanan set out to find the best price for what they wanted. He’d mostly managed to dismiss his worry as just overactive imagination, Ezra seemed fine and he knew he fretted over him sometimes.

One of the vendors pressed samples on him, insisting the drink blend was as good chilled as hot. Kanan took just a moment to feel out the situation, but it was nothing more than honest sales tactics and he passed the second cup to Ezra.

“I’m going to sit down a minute.” Ezra nodded to a nearby bench in the shade. “It’s hot.”

“That’s fine, here.” Kanan handed over the supplies they’d gotten so far, going back to looking over the teas. It took a little time, but they finally came to an agreement that satisfied them both. He took the bundle of tea and caf over to where Ezra was slumped on the bench relaxing. “Just a few things left. Ready to keep moving?”

“I, uh, yeah, just give me a sec.” Ezra looked strangely guilty, like he was hiding something. Kanan couldn’t possibly think of what though. Ezra started to take a step and stumbled, sitting back down hard.

“Ezra?” Kanan reached out, concerned, and Ezra waved him off.

“Foot just fell asleep. Just give me a minute for the feeling to come back then I’ll be fine.” Ezra said.

“Fine.” Kanan sat down on the bench, he didn’t need any sort of connection to the force to feel how tense Ezra was beside him. “I’m not going to argue about taking a few minutes to relax.” Kanan was fairly certain that it was something more than Ezra was saying, but he was still figuring out how hard to push the kid. Sometimes it seemed like he wanted to talk and just needed the nudging to push past his own internal resistance to the idea, and then other times it seemed like the harder someone pried the tighter Ezra locked down.

The minutes stretched on. Kanan did his best to relax and ignore the fact Ezra just seemed to be getting tenser and unhappier the longer they waited.

“Look, maybe you should just go on and get the rest of the stuff and I’ll catch back up?” Ezra didn’t sound happy about that.

“I’m not leaving you here alone.” Kanan saw Ezra start to protest and held a hand up “Not that I don’t trust you, or think you can take care of yourself. I’m just worried. It’s not just your foot falling asleep, is it?”

“It’s…” Ezra made a soft frustrated sound “Lets just go.” He tried to get back to his feet, managing a little better this time.

Kanan stood, moving to his other side so he could grab his elbow. “Just lean on me, and spill it. Whatever‘s wrong, we’ll fix it.”

“It’s not really something you can fix.” Ezra said, giving up and clinging to his arm as they started to walk. “It’s… I’ll tell you, but not here, later.”

“Fine.” Kanan walked slow to match his pace. This close he could see what was tripping him up, his ankle wasn’t moving right. It didn’t lift the front of his foot, forcing him to pull his whole leg up higher up keep his toes from dragging on the dirt and then he had to place it carefully to keep his ankle from rolling. At least his boot probably helped a little with keeping his foot even. Kanan was concerned, and confused. There wasn’t any way Ezra could have hidden something like this on the walk through the market.

By the time the grabbed the last few items on the list, Kanan carrying most of it, Ezra’s walking had improved and he let go of his arm. By the time they were nearly back to the ship all traces of the limp were gone. Kanan paused before he lowered the hatch, giving Ezra a look.

“It’s… Look, it’s not a problem right now, I’m fine.” Ezra wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Maybe, but could it happen again?” Kanan spoke softly, watching him. Ezra didn’t reply. “I’m taking that as a yes. Spill it.”

“On Lothal there’s an illness where when you first get it you get sick, and you also have spells where your arms and legs don’t work right. Can’t grip things, can’t move your arms well, can’t wiggle your toes, stuff like that. It passes, but sometimes there’s spells later where that part comes back. Most of the time it’s not that often, maybe a couple minutes.” Ezra spoke reluctantly.

“What if it’s lasting longer than that?” Kanan wasn’t sure when Ezra’s ankle first started giving him trouble but even if it had been since he first noticed it, it was a good bit longer than a few minutes.

“Sometimes people relapse and it’s as bad as the first time around, but it doesn’t happen much.” Ezra sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was Kanan.

“If it gets bad, we’ll handle it, don’t worry.” Kanan reached out to pat his shoulder, wanting Ezra to relax.

“Yeah. We should probably get the stuff inside now, right?” Ezra pulled away from the pat, reaching to start the hatch opening.

“Do you want to be the one to tell everyone else, or would you rather I handled that part?” Kanan asked.

Ezra winced a little “Do we have to tell them at all?”

“We can wait, if it’s not a problem no one else has to know.” Kanan was intending to tell Hera, she’d be furious if he kept something like that from her and for good reason. Ezra was part of her crew and she needed to know if he was having a problem, but she’d be discrete about it.

Ezra finally smiled at that “Thanks.” He carried up his part of the supplies to the cargo hold then on up towards the living areas, bypassing the ladder to take the long way. Kanan watched him, then unloaded his own supplies, taking the ladder up to the cockpit to find Hera.

 

* * *

 

 

“I wish you’d said something sooner.” Hera said, her tone gentle instead of chiding as she finished the physical tests. “Anti-virals given during a relapse are the best way to actually cure it and prevent future relapses.”

Ezra kept shooting Kanan betrayed looks and Kanan was doing his level best to ignore them. If it had been the sort of thing they just needed to wait out he’d have pushed for Hera to keep things quiet, but with Ezra needing medical treatment to keep this from happening again he wasn’t going to play dumb to save Ezra’s pride.

“I didn’t know about the anti-virals, and I’ve never had a full relapse before. Usually just I’d get clumsy for a day or two then I’d be fine. I thought that was happening this time.” Ezra protested. Kanan could tell he’d given it his everything when Hera was testing his reflexes and asking him to squeeze things, and that there was no way the weakness and lack of response was feigned.

“You’re going into one now. Other than the anti-virals there’s nothing to really help the symptoms.” Hera warned him gently.

“I know that.” Ezra flexed his hand slowly, staring down at it. “If… if you guys wanted to drop me off somewhere for a week or so, it doesn’t really seem fair that you get stuck with me like this.”

“We’re not just leaving you somewhere.” Kanan was a little shocked he even suggested it.

“I hope you mean like with one of the fleet ships with a proper medbay? You won’t need that kind of specialized care. Wouldn’t you rather stay here in your own room?” Hera asked, packing the medical equipment away.

“Yes, but… ok, fine.” Ezra smiled a little, hesitantly. “I just don’t want to be in everyone’s way.”

“You won’t be.” Kanan tried to reassure him, offering him a hand up from the bench. He wasn’t sure how steady Ezra would be since the weakness came and went. Ezra took his hand reluctantly, hauling himself up, wobbling a little when one leg didn’t want to cooperate properly. Kanan held him steady, staying close.

“I guess I might as well head back to bed now?” Ezra nodded towards his room and Kanan took the hint, keeping up the support as Ezra limped down the hallway back towards the room he shared with Zeb.

“I’ll start looking into finding the closest supply of the anti-virals we need. This is only common on a few outer rim planets, so it’s not the easiest to find.” Hera warned, heading on towards the cockpit.

“Don’t worry, if it’s available anywhere, Hera will find it.” Kanan didn’t even give Ezra time to consider the ladder, hoisting him up and into the top bunk.

“Good. Thanks, and tell her thanks too?” Ezra asked, slowly stretching out on the bunk and getting comfortable. Kanan took the hint to go.

“I will. Rest up, alright? You’ll be better before you know it.” Kanan let himself out.

 

* * *

 

  
Kanan settled into meditation position, spine straight, eyes closed, deep breath, and… right on time his com unit chirped.  
  
“What is it this time?” Kanan kept his voice even, no matter how much he wanted to let a little of his frustration show. Hera had taken the Phantom and everyone else with her to pick up the medical supplies they needed and he’d volunteered to stay behind to watch Ezra. He’d assumed with it only being a few hours he could give Ezra time to relax without someone constantly poking at him or asking how he was doing. It wasn’t going as planned.  
  
“I’m thirsty, get me a glass of water.” Ezra paused, then grudgingly added “Please.”  
  
“I’ll be right there.” Kanan sighed. Meditation would have helped with the frustration he was feeling towards the near constant interruptions. Then again, if he had enough time between requests to meditate he wouldn’t be nearly so irritated.  
  
He tried to look on the bright side that at least a cup of water wasn’t as trivial as most of the things he’d been asking for. He had newfound respect for Zeb’s patience, he couldn’t have just been ignoring the demands or Ezra would have complained about it. He filled the cup, letting himself into the room. Ezra was curled on the bottom bunk, if Zeb wasn’t going to complain about switching places until Ezra recovered then he wasn’t going to say anything.

“Here. Anything else?” Kanan placed the cup on the table pulled close to the bunk, within easy reach.

“Thanks. Uh…” Ezra hesitated, looking around the room.

“Go ahead and spill it, if you need it you might as well have me get it now instead of in five minutes.” Kanan reached down to get something that looked like it might have been knocked down off the table, putting it back up.

“No, there’s nothing.” Ezra shook his head slightly.

“Alright.” Kanan gave a small smile, starting towards the door. He was nearly to it when there was a clatter. He paused, turning around and ready to see what it was that Ezra had dropped. The cup had hit the floor, water spilled everywhere. Kanan started to say something, and then he took in the stricken look on his padawan’s face. Instead he just grabbed up the cup to refill it.

“It’s not a big deal, water’s easy to clean up.”

“I can’t even make my hands work long enough to get a drink.” Ezra stared down at his hands, concentrating and curling his fingers for a moment and then they jerked, going limp again.

Kanan watched, taking a breath and letting go of his irritation, refilling the cup and carrying it over. He set it down on the table and then sat down beside Ezra. “Here, let me.”

He halfway expected Ezra to try and resist as he gathered him into his lap, but there wasn’t even a token protest. Kanan got Ezra propped back against his chest, reaching to guide his limbs into more of a semblance of order. Once he was fairly sure Ezra was sitting as comfortably as he could manage he reached out to snag the cup.

Kanan held the cup to his lips, it was a little awkward trying to tilt it for him to drink without dumping it down his front. Kanan managed it, mostly, lowering the cup when he was fairly sure Ezra was done for the moment.

“I’m sorry.” Kanan spoke quietly, setting the cup back aside.

“Shouldn’t that be my line?” Ezra smiled a little, but his attempt to lighten the mood was strained.

“No, you don’t have to apologize for anything. I’m your Master and I’m supposed to be looking after you. I should have realized it had gotten this bad. I was thinking it was like it was like it was the other day, just periods of weakness.” Kanan spoke quietly, not wanting to try and make excuses, but at least explain that he hadn’t been ignoring him out of any sort of ill-intent.

“It’s more that I get brief periods when something does work normally. Sometimes it’s just weak and hard to move though, instead of being entirely useless.” Ezra sounded bitter.

“It’ll get better, and until it does you’re not a burden.” Kanan squeezed him in a quick hug.

“I feel like one. But… I don’t want you to go.” Ezra said the last part reluctantly.

“I’m not going anywhere, but when you want to lie back down just tell me.” Kanan said. Ezra wasn’t difficult to hold up like this, but he didn’t want him to get uncomfortable with the contact. He usually gave the impression that he was torn between wanting more contact and being overwhelmed and a little confused by it. It had taken weeks for Ezra to stop flinching every time Zeb wanted to roughhouse, though a part of that might have been that the Lasat sometimes forgot humans weren’t quite as sturdy as he was. He’d relaxed in the year he’d been with them, but he still didn’t go out of his way to be close most of the time.

“Feels good to be sitting up.” Ezra admitted. “And I don’t… it’s easier if I’m not alone like this?” He said the last part quietly, like he expected Kanan to say something negative about it.

Kanan started to say something and then paused, thinking. He knew that a relapse like this meant Ezra had gotten the initial infection before when he was living on Lothal, he just hadn’t really thought about when.

“How old were you when you first got sick like this?” Kanan asked, hoping it was younger than eight.

“Almost 13.” Ezra said quietly and Kanan inwardly winced.

“What happened?” Kanan gently pressed for the rest of the story, obviously Ezra was fine now. Maybe he’d just had a bad experience in an uncaring Imperial medical center?

“I was on my own at my tower. It’s kind of like a cold at first? You don’t feel well, cough a lot, just kind of annoying. Then after about a week the muscle weakness starts. I was all alone, by the time I realized what was going on I couldn’t have made it down to my bike. It was…” Ezra swallowed “I thought I might die. At one point I couldn’t stand for more than a minute and I couldn’t grip. I was so thirsty and the sink was right there and I couldn’t get to it. I’m still not sure how I managed to haul myself up and get my head in there and turn the water on, but I drank until I thought I was going to throw up. Which was good because it was another day before I could stand up and reach the sink again.”

Kanan realized he was hugging Ezra tighter to him and forced himself to loosen his grip and just support him. He hadn’t even considered that Ezra might have been trapped alone like this, sick and his body refusing to listen to him.

“That won’t happen now. We look out for each other.” Kanan picked up the water cup, holding it up for him again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just assumed you wanted some space. I didn’t want to bruise your pride any more than I had to.”

“I think my pride was beaten to death the first time Zeb had to help me onto the toilet.” Ezra grumbled, drinking the last of the water.

Kanan couldn’t help the surprised snort at that, even though he immediately felt guilty. “I’m not laughing at you, I promise.”

“I know. It’s more… I don’t like having to rely on others if I don’t have to? I’ve been in enough situations where I couldn’t count on any backup. I’m not embarrassed about having to be caught when I fall, but if I can catch myself then I don’t have to put that on you or anyone else. But right now I know I can’t.” Ezra sounded hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he was getting the idea across.

“I think I understand. And I do want you to be able to catch yourself, that’s my job as a teacher. I want you to be able to work on your own, and to know when it’s better to work together, and someday you’ll be the one teaching someone else,” Kanan said firmly.

“You really believe that?” Ezra sounded like he wasn’t quite sure if Kanan was telling the truth.

“If I didn’t I’d have left the Ghost a long time ago. ” Kanan shifted so he could get more comfortable, leaning back with Ezra resting against him and still partially propped up. “I have to believe that what we’re doing is going to result in a better future for everyone, and I think someday you’ll be an excellent teacher.”

“I don’t know…” Ezra sounded hesitant, then his tone turned playful. “What if I end up with a student as stubborn and difficult as I’ve been for you?”

Kanan chuckled. “Then I’ll know there really is justice in the galaxy!” He smiled, then gave Ezra a gentle hug. “And I keep forgetting there’s nothing wrong with your head like this. I mean, nothing like a cold or flu that would mess with your focus. Until you get your coordination back we can work on some of the less physical parts of training. That way even if the anti-virals don’t work the first time you won’t ever be completely helpless like this again. How does that sound?”

“I… That sounds really great.” Ezra sounded relieved and pleased.

“Then when you’re ready we’ll start, and you’re not going to be left alone like this again. I promise.” Kanan assured him, getting a shaky nod in response.

“Now? I mean maybe just the meditation part. It’s a little easier if you’re doing it too.” Ezra suggested hesitantly.

Kanan bit back the response some of his own teachers would have given, that he would need to focus any time or any place no matter if it was easy, and gave the response Ezra needed instead.

“Then focus on your breathing, slow and deep, in and out, like mine, and empty your mind.” Kanan closed his eyes, feeling Ezra do the same, releasing the tension and turmoil of the day into the Force. Healing would come in time for both of them as long as they kept moving forward and trusting each-other, no matter what.


End file.
